Step into the daylight and let it go.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

#4.19 Holy Ground

"Be with someone who makes you happy, and at the same time be someone who makes you happy. =) "



November. A busy yet happening month. For some unknown reasons, all of my emotions decided to go for a spinning tea cup ride without my permission. 

Ironically, being someone who used to hate to do things alone, I found solace and deep comfort in spending some quality time by myself. It helped me become aware that I had placed almost 100% of my source of happiness on people around me instead of myself and that was the root of most of the problems. 

A walk by myself around the campus.
Starbucks after so long!
Hot coffee and fallen leaves.

Thus, I reckoned that striking for that great balance was imperative while trying to juggle between love, life and study. So, for the coming weeks, spoiling myself should and would remain my top priority without giving a fuck about what others thought. 

In the past, I had always wanted to be the one who could keep it all together and carry on whenever I felt that my life was slowly falling apart but clearly it was taking a toll on me so now I had to learn to let go of things that weren't meant to be controlled. There were still many parts of myself and my life that I wished to improve upon but one step at a time would suffice for the moment. =)

November.
Fall.

What I had learnt previously was that there were only two types of friends in this world: the ones who were not afraid to challenge, fuel, empower, and support you and the ones who always loved to actively compare themselves to you (in a bad way) and deny all your efforts for their own self-affirmation. 

Well, technically the latter couldn't actually be known as "friends". For that, I must admit that I was lucky enough to be surrounded by a group of friends who could inspire and help one another grow despite having big differences in views, styles and ideas. And life would undeniably be pretty dull without them around. 

The beauty of autumn.
Red. 
Beautiful things were fragile I knew.

Sometimes, I felt super duper guilty to actively seek out problems as if I had already not had enough of them on my plate. Time was passing by so quickly that I wondered if I looked back at these four years in the future, would they be an important part of me or would they be just insignificant fuzzy images when I had moved on in life. 

Would I want to turn back time and relive them once more or would I be content and happy with my new life filled with different people? Part of me feared that I would forget exactly how I felt at this particular moment as it would definitely be a shame.

Kyle.
There were many beautiful things in life.

One of my biggest fears was that I hadn't fully lived my life and done everything that I wanted to do before my time's up. That's why I didn't care about making certain moves or spending money and time on things that I really loved. I could only hope that every tear, laughter, kindness and emotion would be worth it in the end. =)

You could hear it in the silence
and you could feel it on the way home.
For the first time I had got something to lose. =)
Holy ground.
Beautiful lights.
Watched the Christmas light being switched on!
 It's officially Christmas now!!

When life was nothing but a crazy dance with people who truly mattered, everywhere you stood would be a holy ground. =)



The light reflects
The chain on your neck
He says look up
And your shoulders brush
No proof, one touch
You felt enough

And for once you let go
Of your fears and your ghosts
One step, not much
But it said enough

You can hear it in the silence, silence
You can feel it on the way home, way home
You can see it with the lights out, lights out.



You Are In Love - Taylor Swift