#Reboot

 

再勇敢一点点吧。

2021 to 2012

 

It was rare I was there

I remember it all too well.

#初见你蓝色清晨

 

留在梦田里 永远不散场。

#5.01 不晚

“爱都不晚。”

已经好久没来这里了，真的好久好久。生活上距离上一个帖子也已经改变了很多。失去了很多人和事物，也拥有了一些以前没有的。最近有时会有乌云密布的天气，每天也有很多值得感恩的事情发生。可能生活就是这样吧，在平凡的日子中寻找一些小快乐。昨天一个前同事突然特地进来探班，可能对他来说是没什么重要或有意义的一件小事情，但当下却被感动到。觉得活着有时还是有点小曙光。

疫情之下，也已经很久没有回马了。上一次离开的时候，心里也没有想说会有一段日子没得回家。可能人生就是这样，很多事情你在做的时候，一句对话，一个拥抱，一个聚餐，一个微笑，已是最后一次，但你会以为以后还有很多很多时候还可以再做。

今天看了一部动画电影叫心灵奇旅。有一段是一堆lost souls 被自己捆绑在黑暗笼罩的世界，一直重复被脑海里的焦虑恐惧主宰着。还有一段是主角看着一群上班族在地铁里，再看看自己车窗里的倒影。还有主角回顾自己的人生，发现一直过着没有意义的生活。鱼的故事还有最后他终于觉悟生活里让他感到 sparks 的小小细节。都可以隐隐约约看到自己的影子。

最近也跟一个好朋友倾述自己的一些状况，还好这个世界上还有人可以明白自己经历的一切。有时还是要感谢上帝，已经有很多别人没有办法拥有的。生活以后是好是坏，可能以后再来担心吧。看着陈嘉玲40岁以后的旅程，告诉自己能不能活到40都不知道，应该要好好过好现在，不想到人生终点时才说早知道。或者自己什么都没做，就老了。

2020年经历了很多别人不知道的事情，说起来俗气，可是还是要谢谢泰剧的崛起，一些中国动漫和剧还有BTS治愈的歌曲和歌词，让我度过了人生这一段。很多人可能不明白，可能觉得荒唐好笑，但是有时候一部剧一首歌一本书可以是一个人的白月光。

希望可以好好弥补遗憾，希望可以好好让身体和心灵恢复到最好的状态。希望一切都还不晚。

下一次旅行，下一次感动，下一次互相微笑，下一次见面，可能很遥远，可能不会再来，也可能在下一秒。

不晚 - 田馥甄

Ninth

如果说可惜 就在下一章 更珍惜
也许一个勇敢的决定 能换两个重生的约定
"我们到了站" 这一站叫终于
终于结束的起点 终于写下句点

约在下一站 车票是你我 勇气
每一段遗憾的曾经 当时名字都叫憧憬 我们的心

Tomorrow will be fine.

Lost Stars

I miss you tonight.

Holding On For Tonight

Eighth

能不能说好不脆弱生活

回到最初约定时候的那个我

Seventh

以沉默，以眼泪，以时光真好。

落在胸口的星星

它說親愛的女孩夜再晚
花一樣會開

Sixth

“我在树叶落下的时候等你，带你去见我的初心。”

霞光亲吻的山峰有你的身影
还有你爱我的勇气
那是梦里都不曾路过的风景
你说的永远没有距离
我们要多么的努力
来交换彼此的心

有苦我为你分担。♥

最初來到世界的模樣

那幾年 卯足全力闖蕩 苦痛當做勳章
熱情 被磨光 勇氣冠名叫莽撞
這幾年 穿起漂亮衣裳 戴起微笑臉龐
禮貌 是武裝 安然無恙更悲傷

我好懷念 眼神裡 那道光芒
我好嚮往 第一個 追的夢想

#4.42 A Year In The Life: Spring

"For the next three months, it was all about carrying on with life and making through each day the best that I knew how. "

Spring. It had always been seen as a symbol of new hope and beginnings. It was the time of the year when the Sun decided to shine for a few more hours each day, new leaves started to decorate the bare branches of the trees and flowers began to bloom again.

For me, I spent most of my time after work preparing for the upcoming exam. Studying and working at the same time was taking a toll on me but luckily Wantying and Alicia were there to make everything easier. 

We formed a group chat and discussed everything that was going on with our lives - the good and the bad - and I would never have made it without them. Jessie, Ron and other pre-regs helped me a lot too in the preparation process. Honestly, I did not think that I would be able to find any friends like them anywhere else and I was absolutely grateful that they had come into my life.

Pink and white.

A box of happiness.

Maitre Choux.

The trees came back to life.

Black pepper steak with Digimon Adventure Tri.

Due to a work event, I had the chance to go back to Nottingham. It was funny how life could change so much in such a short few months. Everything was the same yet everything was not the same in this city.

When I strolled down the streets, there came a moment of relief. It was a rare moment in which I thanked myself for making the right decision of moving down to Dorset, a place far away from Nottingham. The city was still as lovely as it was but I was glad that I was not part of it anymore. I did not think that I would ever be able to walk down the streets that were all too familiar every day and not be reminded of all of the good times and people who used to live here.

I had lost count of the vast amount of time I spent on train this year.

Still the best burger in Nottingham. 

Reunited in Nottingham! 

Brunch after work interview in Bournemouth.

As busy as we all were, we still managed to make time for one another. Four of us met up in London and went on an awesome food trip. The meet-up in London was definitely the highlight of spring. It was comforting to have some time off and spend it with people who knew me best. 

Although we could only spend just a short few days together, it did the perfect trick of rewinding and recharging so that I could go back to juggling between my revision and my job.

Finally tried out the good steak at Flat Iron.

Watched Zootopia together.

We all loved different drinks.

Breakfast at Wolseley.

Wolseley fluffy pancakes with berries - the reason we came.

Welsh Rarebit.

Poached eggs over fish cakes.

With Vivian. 

Alicia and Wantying.

The best ramen ever and we queued for a long time for them.

Beautiful ceiling inside Kanada-Ya.

Our starter.

The authentic Japanese ramen.

Ended up ordering more bowls.

Japanese fried chicken.

Tower Bridge.

Frankly, I had never prepared or worked so hard for any exam in my life and I was over the moon when it was finally over. With the exam done, all I had to focus on was the one last month of pre-reg work. 

Thanks to the final two training days, I had the opportunity to travel to Plymouth, which reminded me a lot of the seaside towns in Europe. Unexpectedly, it was the surreal scenery along the journey, in which as if the train was traveling on the ocean, that literally took my breath away. 

Exam in Bath.

Waiting for my train with Jessie and Alyssa after the exam.

Beautiful Plymouth.

Fish and chips with amazing sea view.

Hottest day of the year in the UK.

This was the best English breakfast that I had ever had.

Finally, it was time to say goodbye to Weymouth. It wasn't an easy year for me and time moved through slowly but it was what it was. There were good and bad days but still, it was one year of my life and it was a decision that I had made for myself.

If there was anything new for me this year, it was that I learnt how to stand on my own and live with only myself. Or more accurately, it was on how to be alone and still be genuinely happy about it. And that I was actually good enough for myself.

Weymouth beach

Best ice cream in Dorset.

Goodbye, Weymouth.

Yes, spring, for most people indeed, represented new beginnings. However, for me, it was about closing the pre-reg chapter of my life. With my pre-reg life officially over, my three-month summer break began.

Talk Me Down - Troye Sivan

#4.41 A Year In The Life: Winter

"Looking back at the entire year after graduation now, it all seemed so tranquil and quiet as if the perfect storm had never struck at all. "



Yes, as unreal as it seemed, this year would be ending real soon. Yet, I had not written anything proper since last year. Well, I supposed I could tell you that life was pretty busy and stressful, which in fact it truly was. But at the same time, it might just be plain laziness. Or it might just simply be the case that I could not bring myself to begin typing because I had been living a life so foreign that I didn't know where to start. 

But deep down I knew that I had to start somewhere somehow. So, welcome back to this little world of my personal life and private thoughts.

Crisp morning in Dorchester.

Still the best place to get fish and chips in this world.

Orchid from Kay for my new home.

All settled down in Weymouth home.

Most people could easily picked their favourite season but everytime when I was asked I just couldn't decide. I had asked myself on several occasions what season it was that I liked most. I had always assumed that I would love winter the most until I came to the realization that I had a love-hate relationship with it.

Yes, I loved the snow, the festive drinks and the beautiful Christmas lights. However, at the same time I had to deal with the fact that it was almost always gloomy, dark, windy and rainy. I thought that I did love the frosty weather. But was it the feeling of sipping a warm cup of coffee or hiding underneath the thick duvet in the freezing temperature that I loved? If so, didn't it mean that I actually hated the cold?

Dinner with Mojito after a long study day.

My choice of dessert.

Basically, I spent the whole January anticipating my journey back home. It was the only motivation that kept me going. Sometimes, having something to look forward to kept me balanced and constantly thinking about it somehow made it easier to endure all the darkest nights. 

If I could remember anything, it was that I was smiling ear to ear on my journey back home. To be honest, it had been quite a while for me to feel genuinely happy. It felt good to feel very much alive and back to my old self again. It was, in simple terms, what I needed.

As much as I hated to admit it, happiness was less after graduation. Every day sort of fell into a mundane routine. It wasn't easy to adjust to being alone all the time after being surrounded by a big group of lovely people constantly over the past few years. The contrast and silence were hard to bear from time to time but I was on this slow journey to learn better ways of managing them day by day. 

Reached Waterloo after the long train journey.

Favourite shop in Covent Garden.

Big Ben.

Short stop at London.

Korean street food.

Covent Garden at night. 

Walking around London at night.

On the flight back home.

Back in my home country again.

It wasn't that I was sad all the time or anything if you got what I meant. Life was just, different, now. It might be part of growing up, being independent, taking up responsibility and stepping into the so-called adulthood and the ordinary working life. Yes, I did get that there would always be a part of journey in life that one would need to walk through it all alone. However, understanding it and actually going through it were completely two different things.

Every day I got up, walked to work, revised for exam and finished whatever tasks that needed to be done for the day. I made sure that I did everything in my power to keep my life together and I was proud of that. However, emotional-wise, I figured that I still needed more time to allow myself to adjust to this new life and finding a way of working around it.

There were nights that I would click through the old photos just to relive some of the treasured moments even just for a few minutes. Sometimes, certain songs would send me on a trip down memory lane. Walking past a big group of teenagers with endless laughter on the street too never failed to remind me of all the good old times.

Suffolk House.

Fish was always a good idea.

Exquisite.

Coffee and dessert!

Well, it might be necessary to go through all sorts of different emotions in life - happiness, loneliness, sadness, excitement, anger and jealousy - and it might all just be part of the human experience that everyone needed to go through after all.

I was really grateful to have two full weeks away from the cold winter nights and be able to step back into the tropical weather again. The short quality break with all my loved ones was therapeutic to say the least.

The garden-themed restaurant.

My favourite plant.

Comfort food.

Loved this unique place.

The smoothest TauFuFah ever that we ended up ordering two more.

Woke up early for DimSum. 

The signature dish of the city.

Back in Ipoh after so many years.

Tea factory.

The original white coffee.

Ipoh street art.

My favourite piece of drawing.

People always said that it would all get better with time. It might be right but what people tend to skip was the part where it might get a little messy or worse before it got better eventually. Or maybe I should just have more faith when I embarked on this journey of self discovery and self creation. 

But right now, time was what I needed.

All Night - Beyonce