Step into the daylight and let it go.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

#4.10 Sad Beautiful Tragic

"重新定位我的方向,会很害怕但不至于彷徨。"



It had definitely been a long, long while since I was all alone by myself in a city knowing no one else and living without any family and friends. Just when I thought I had become this really independent person, these past five weeks in Dorchester gave me a big heavy smack on my head that I was not as strong as I thought I was.

It suddenly dawned on me that I felt very comfortable in Nottingham all because I was surrounded by a group of friends. They made everything seem so easy, simple and cool in this piece of foreign land. And when that was taken out from my life equation, everything seemed to be falling apart and crashing down instantly. The first few days were definitely the hardest to bear to be honest.

Living on my own.
Sweet and sour pork with fried rice.
The train station.

It felt crazy for me to feel that way now that I'm writing it down but that was exactly how I felt during this period. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. It wasn't just pure sadness, loneliness or emptiness. I just didn't feel like myself. 

It's like I was trying to get to know this part of me that I had never met before. Or it's just simply the fact that I could not share all my moments with people that truly mattered as they happened. Or it could be that I was put outside of my comfort zone. With bullets and missiles all raining down on me while being totally exposed and unprotected. Okay, that very last part was slightly exaggerated, but you got the picture anyway.

Up.
Beautiful Bournemouth.
Just loved that summer feeling.
Best baguette!
The famous ice cream.
Fish and chips together!
Beach.
Little mermaid.
They definitely made things a lot easier during the five weeks.
Thai dinner! 
We so cute!

Work was great and everyone in Boots was very friendly, helpful and supportive and I was really grateful for that. But still, some part of me felt as if somehow I didn't belong to this small town. On certain days, I thought I had gotten over the stupid feeling. That I had somehow managed to convince myself that I could cope with it. That I could finally start living my life independently without anyone by my side. That I had somehow become just a little bit stronger. 

But that awful feeling would slap me hard right on my face like a bitch whenever things went a bit wrong in life. That was the time when you would wish that someone was right there so that you could tell how an Italian customer had screamed at you even though you had done nothing wrong or a cute customer had just sung a Popeye theme song for you after you complimented how unique his tie was.

Cupcake by Jean.
Thank you all.
A small escape.
Colourful shell.

On the bright side, I had completed my dream of traveling alone a lot earlier than I had expected. My stand on traveling solo: It could be fun. It could be flexible. It could have tonnes of self-discoveries but I would never love the idea of doing it forever. The best part of enjoying beautiful sceneries was that I got to share it with someone else. 

As far as I was concerned, I could never fully enjoy any scenery alone regardless how breathtaking it could be. It might mean different things to different people but to me, it was sharing that feeling at that exact moment that made the scenery worthwhile to be appreciated.

Beautiful pebbles by Chesil Beach, England's only natural World Heritage Site. 
Seagulls.

There were countless beautiful places to explore around Dorset. Traveling by myself had made me realise how much I loved the embrace of mother nature. 

Personally, I preferred the idea of being surrounded by blue oceans, green hills, fluffy clouds and seashore teeming with little fish, shrimps and crabs instead of dumb buildings, boring museums and lifeless cities. They were much more lively, peaceful, calm and offered me plenty of room to think, relax, rewind and reflect.

Lots of little transparent shrimps could be seen swimming around.
The view of Lyme Regis that changed every few minutes due to the tide.
Everything was blue. 
The captivating scenery.
Awesome thingy.
Ammonites.
The site of ammonite graveyard.
Seagull hovering above the surface of the blue ocean.
View of Lyme Regis when the tide was low.
Afternoon view when the tide was coming in again.

These five weeks had forced me to grow up, let me experience a lot of new things and take a peek at how working life could be like. Most importantly, it reminded me to not forget to greatly appreciate the upcoming last year of my university life. =)




Made the second video while missing my Smurfies.



Ghost - Ella Henderson