"Looking back at the entire year after graduation now, it all seemed so tranquil and quiet as if the perfect storm had never struck at all. "
Yes, as unreal as it seemed, this year would be ending real soon. Yet, I had not written anything proper since last year. Well, I supposed I could tell you that life was pretty busy and stressful, which in fact it truly was. But at the same time, it might just be plain laziness. Or it might just simply be the case that I could not bring myself to begin typing because I had been living a life so foreign that I didn't know where to start.
But deep down I knew that I had to start somewhere somehow. So, welcome back to this little world of my personal life and private thoughts.
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| Crisp morning in Dorchester. |
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| Still the best place to get fish and chips in this world. |
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| Orchid from Kay for my new home. |
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| All settled down in Weymouth home. |
Most people could easily picked their favourite season but everytime when I was asked I just couldn't decide. I had asked myself on several occasions what season it was that I liked most. I had always assumed that I would love winter the most until I came to the realization that I had a love-hate relationship with it.
Yes, I loved the snow, the festive drinks and the beautiful Christmas lights. However, at the same time I had to deal with the fact that it was almost always gloomy, dark, windy and rainy. I thought that I did love the frosty weather. But was it the feeling of sipping a warm cup of coffee or hiding underneath the thick duvet in the freezing temperature that I loved? If so, didn't it mean that I actually hated the cold?
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| Dinner with Mojito after a long study day. |
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| My choice of dessert. |
Basically, I spent the whole January anticipating my journey back home. It was the only motivation that kept me going. Sometimes, having something to look forward to kept me balanced and constantly thinking about it somehow made it easier to endure all the darkest nights.
If I could remember anything, it was that I was smiling ear to ear on my journey back home. To be honest, it had been quite a while for me to feel genuinely happy. It felt good to feel very much alive and back to my old self again. It was, in simple terms, what I needed.
As much as I hated to admit it, happiness was less after graduation. Every day sort of fell into a mundane routine. It wasn't easy to adjust to being alone all the time after being surrounded by a big group of lovely people constantly over the past few years. The contrast and silence were hard to bear from time to time but I was on this slow journey to learn better ways of managing them day by day.
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| Reached Waterloo after the long train journey. |
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| Favourite shop in Covent Garden. |
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| Big Ben. |
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| Short stop at London. |
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| Korean street food. |
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| Covent Garden at night. |
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| Walking around London at night. |
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| On the flight back home. |
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| Back in my home country again. |
It wasn't that I was sad all the time or anything if you got what I meant. Life was just, different, now. It might be part of growing up, being independent, taking up responsibility and stepping into the so-called adulthood and the ordinary working life. Yes, I did get that there would always be a part of journey in life that one would need to walk through it all alone. However, understanding it and actually going through it were completely two different things.
Every day I got up, walked to work, revised for exam and finished whatever tasks that needed to be done for the day. I made sure that I did everything in my power to keep my life together and I was proud of that. However, emotional-wise, I figured that I still needed more time to allow myself to adjust to this new life and finding a way of working around it.
There were nights that I would click through the old photos just to relive some of the treasured moments even just for a few minutes. Sometimes, certain songs would send me on a trip down memory lane. Walking past a big group of teenagers with endless laughter on the street too never failed to remind me of all the good old times.
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| Suffolk House. |
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| Fish was always a good idea. |
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| Exquisite. |
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| Coffee and dessert! |
Well, it might be necessary to go through all sorts of different emotions in life - happiness, loneliness, sadness, excitement, anger and jealousy - and it might all just be part of the human experience that everyone needed to go through after all.
I was really grateful to have two full weeks away from the cold winter nights and be able to step back into the tropical weather again. The short quality break with all my loved ones was therapeutic to say the least.
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| The garden-themed restaurant. |
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| My favourite plant. |
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| Comfort food. |
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| Loved this unique place. |
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| The smoothest TauFuFah ever that we ended up ordering two more. |
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| Woke up early for DimSum. |
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| The signature dish of the city. |
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| Back in Ipoh after so many years. |
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| Tea factory. |
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| The original white coffee. |
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| Ipoh street art. |
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| My favourite piece of drawing. |
People always said that it would all get better with time. It might be right but what people tend to skip was the part where it might get a little messy or worse before it got better eventually. Or maybe I should just have more faith when I embarked on this journey of self discovery and self creation.
But right now, time was what I needed.
All Night - Beyonce
