#2.4 So You Think You Can Dream

"My dream is to have a dream."

Dream. It's a simple word but at the same time it's so complicated. I'm scared, because I don't have one, yet. And I seldom talked to others about it, as I knew how shocked they would be. Every time I tell someone-except a few of my best friends-about it, I could see it from their faces that they didn't believe it, and some even thought that it was funny. I did not understand how could it be so funny? It's not. It's not a laughing matter, to me it's not. It's pathetic.

I've always envied those who had a dream. They knew what their dream job was, what they were pursuing, and what goals they had in their lives. But how come I don't. To be frank, I have had no interest in anything at all. I don't see myself as a doctor, a pharmacist, a dentist or a Look!-I-have-a-job person in a few years time. When I was six, I wanted to be a police, only because it was cool, until I found out that their salaries weren't. When I was in standard 1, I wanted to be a teacher, only because I was always beaten and wanted revenge-a chance to beat the students who did not do their work, or forgot to bring their books. When I was standard 3, engineer was my choice only because I saw a poster of an engineer looking so smart and handsome, and stupidly I thought that if I became an engineer, I would be that good-looking too. Doctor was my preference in high school because many said that it was a waste not to be one if one's results were damn good. Later in college I turned to dentistry because my relatives remarked that it would be one of the highest paying job in the future. Now I was paving my way to pharmacy as many told me it was an easier and secured job. But was it what I really wanted, or not?

One day I was in the car with my parents and they suddenly asked me what my dream was. I told them straight away that I didn't know. Mummy told me that she met HuiEn just now and asked her about her dream, and it was to be a pharmacist. Then she said that there must be something that I really liked. I remained silence and Papa answered that question for me. "How can he have one, when he has everything without the need of dreaming to have them?" He said. I supposed it was true, in some way.

I would definitely fail if the title of English essay for the final A-Level exam was "My Ambition" because all I could write was "My ambition is to be a...a...a...THE END". I did not know what job I really wanted to have in my life. I have been searching it for my whole life, but I still couldn't find it. Maybe someday, just maybe, I will know and I hope it would not be too late by then.

Equipped with wings, the sky was clear, and the weather was perfect but how could I begin to fly when there's no destination?

Still searching........just for a dream.

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Currently

listening to: Happy by Leona Lewis

watching: The Suite Life On Deck

reading: Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer